We've disconnected our home alarm system and quit our candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.
Bought two Iranian flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard ... one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center.
Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7.
I've never felt safer and we're saving $49.95 a month.
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