Leno: Happy Birthday to Joe Biden. President Obama got him a gag gift. No, not a funny gift. A real gag.
Conan: President Obama scheduled to grant a turkey the traditional pardon on Wednesday. But a spokesman for the turkey now says it doesn’t need a pardon. It needs a job.
Fallon: What is going on these days? George W. Bush writes a 500-page memoir and Obama publishes a kids coloring book.
Leno: Tough decision for President Obama this week: Pardon the turkey or Democrat Rep. Charlie Rangel.
Fallon: Today, President Obama is going down to Kokomo, Ind. That makes sense. No one knows better how to get there fast and then take it slow.
Fallon: Experts announce a new plan to slash the federal debt by $6 trillion. All we have to do is switch from regular light bulbs to not having a federal government.
Leno: House Democrats just elected Nancy Pelosi as their minority leader for the new Congress. Why mess with success, right?
Conan: Congressional Democrats push for $12 billion in additional unemployment benefits. They say they can’t turn their backs on those who until two weeks ago were House Democrats.
Leno: Michelle Obama announces her plan to install 6,000 salad bars at schools across the nation. They expect as many as three students to use them.
Fallon: President Obama over in Portugal last week pointed out to his hosts that his dog, Bo, is a Portuguese Water Dog. Yeah, that’s a good way to make friends: ‘Hey, you know who’s just like you people? My DOG.’
Leno: A rough week for President Obama. He’s gotta pardon a turkey, deal with a lame duck Congress, eat crow and China flipped him the bird over currency.
Letterman: In these times you know you’re having a bad day when your body scan at the airport gets the guards laughing.
Fallon: New plan out to cover $6 trillion of the nation’s debt. First, look at all the spending for the past five years. Then, ask China for $6 trillion more.
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