Dear Red State: Do I go with the sisterhood, the bro or my dad?
Dear Red State is an advice column for the politically perplexed. We are inclusive, compassionate conservatives, so feel free to differ. After all, the questioner is getting what he/she paid for.
Dear Red State:
I am having a meltdown deciding what to do this election season, especially if Florida ever does the primary again.
As I sit here, pregnant and conflicted about my relationship with the SO and seein
g breeding white trash in the mirror of our 700K house that we can barely afford, sometimes I feel that all men are beasts and that I should cast my lot with Hillary and the Sisterhood. But other times I fantasize about Bill being the father. And he reminds me of the 1990's when I was innocent and prosperous.
I am having a meltdown deciding what to do this election season, especially if Florida ever does the primary again.
As I sit here, pregnant and conflicted about my relationship with the SO and seein
g breeding white trash in the mirror of our 700K house that we can barely afford, sometimes I feel that all men are beasts and that I should cast my lot with Hillary and the Sisterhood. But other times I fantasize about Bill being the father. And he reminds me of the 1990's when I was innocent and prosperous. Then I think about Obama and the Audacity of Hope. Surely he will pay our mortgage bill on this damnable shack and our living expenses, too? I sure hope so! But then I work as a flight attendant and wonder if his pastor thinks I should be one of the victims when a wrathful God next wreaks his vengeance on g-d America. And there's this notion of a forgiving God they keep talking about in church.
So then I think about McCain, who reminds me of my Dad. And he's a war hero and all that jazz. But he's going to cut pork and I'm eating for two. Besides, we're thinking of expanding the pool.
What's a girl to do?
Pondering & Pregnant in Pensacola
Dear Pondering & Pregnant:
At first I turned to one of my liberal friends who has intimate knowledge of the Clinton and Obama camps to see which one fulfills your needs best. I was told not to bother because you sound like you're just an ignorant redneck chick who belongs in the g-d theocon, bible-thumping Republican party.
At first I turned to one of my liberal friends who has intimate knowledge of the Clinton and Obama camps to see which one fulfills your needs best. I was told not to bother because you sound like you're just an ignorant redneck chick who belongs in the g-d theocon, bible-thumping Republican party.
So I was going to relay this message and advice you to vote GOP, but then I remembered who the nominee was and realized further analysis is required.
I can understand the appeal of the androgynous cash machine that the Clintons offer, with discipline from Hillary and love & healing from Bill. But as every Walmart shopper knows, when they're offering 50% off (two for the price of one), something is wrong with the merchandise. And I hear that Bill's Romance Corner has 62 year old inventory, so that's a problem, too.
I can understand the appeal of the androgynous cash machine that the Clintons offer, with discipline from Hillary and love & healing from Bill. But as every Walmart shopper knows, when they're offering 50% off (two for the price of one), something is wrong with the merchandise. And I hear that Bill's Romance Corner has 62 year old inventory, so that's a problem, too.
It may not be prudent to expect much real estate help from Obama. True, he knows how to get relief from the burdens of ownership via ingenious financing arrangements, but I understand that Mr. Rezko is overextended at the moment due to his, er, legal problems. And despite the 20 year tenure of Obama's derriere on the front pew of Rev Wright's church, close enough to hear the messages regarding g-d America's need for chastisement, he does appear to be a sane person. I'm sure that he'll do his best to keep you from getting what you g-d deserve. OTOH, his strategy is a bit off-kilter, with the audacity to hope that considering war in Pakistan and sucking up to Iran constitutes a policy.
At this point, I suggest that you relieve stress by wondering down the path of nostalgia TV and remember happier times before you cast your vote. Start with "Father Knows Best". It will be easier to vote for McCain if you do!
BTW- if you enjoyed this - be sure to click on the RedState link in the list of links over on the bottom right of this page..... Pecoz
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